I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize