you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
