then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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