I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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