You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
