forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
