I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The air taste purple.
Randomize