shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
