for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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