if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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