I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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