Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
