Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
