): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
