Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize