return my video game
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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