Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
