You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
how do flat chested girls get laid?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize