What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She bit a glass in half.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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