No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
