he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
