Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
