it's too hot outside to masturbate.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
