Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
