If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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