Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
