Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
