Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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