the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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