you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
