just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
