Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
