I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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