Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
