Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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