Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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