thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
