he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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