i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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