We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
