so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
