remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
