I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
