i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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