dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
