Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
