If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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