Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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