please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The Olympian is in my bed
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
