funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize