Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she smelled like a LAN party
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
