My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize