After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
