is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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