just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
