New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
