it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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