Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
