i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just want nice things and good sex
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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