Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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