i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
