I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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