Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
