my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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