My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
In America we eat man semen.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
