either way he was missing a nipple.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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