I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
