I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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