You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
