Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I need to stop coming to work sober
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
