Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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