There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
