she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
